C.S. Lewis – “Everyone says that forgiveness is a wonderful idea, until you have something to forgive.”
5 words that will change your life: “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”
3 words that will change your relationships: “I forgive you.”
Forgiving someone when they have wronged you is a big deal.
Letting go of a hurt is a big deal.
It is life changing.
Why is it incredibly difficult to forgive when it is so necessary to our emotional, physical and spiritual health?
1. It will cost you something.
We are talking about real wounds. Until you have to swallow the pain of being hurt, until you have been misunderstood by the person who should understand you, until you have been betrayed… lied to… taken for granted… it is just a ‘wonderful idea’ as C.S. Lewis said.
But no relationship can survive without decided in your heart to choose to forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to make that person part of your life again. Forgiveness doesn’t mean they are sorry for what they did. Forgiveness is about setting you free.
You must know the choice is yours to make.
If you don’t feel you have the power to choose, you will never take responsibility for the choice.
2. It triggers something in us when we are wronged.
It triggers pride: ‘They did this to me again!”
It triggers betrayal: “How could they do this to me?”
It triggers fear: “If I forgive him/her, won’t it just happen again?
It triggers anger: “They don’t deserve it,” “They haven’t asked to be forgiven.”
3. It involves honesty.
Especially when forgiveness deals with your spouse, you need to speak honestly to them. Honesty provides a road map to adjusting the relationship, and helps to identify what needs to be worked through. Honesty is important because it meets an emotional need that we all have.
There is an ancient proverb that clearly states how hard it is to forgive and be reconciled*. “It is harder to make amends with an offended (sister/brother) than to capture a fortified city. Arguments separate friends…”
Forgiveness… it does a body good. Please contact me if you need any help walking through forgiveness with someone you are in relationship with. We have ladies at the Lovely Project who would love to tell you their story of forgiveness so you can know you are not alone.
Here’s to a lovelier you!