The Grinch Who Pranked Christmas

Nothing says, “Merry Christmas” like duplicity, provocation and a drunk Grandma. If you’re going to be stuck (*ahem) together with family for an extended period of time, why not mix it up a little with some (nearly) harmless pranks? If your family is the type that would rather be audited than laugh at their own expense, maybe you should use this list as a “don’t do during the holidays.”

Whether this list stands as “Cliff’s Notes” for your pranks or an “avoid at all costs” list – here’s some ideas:

1. We will start with the cutest option on the prank list.

Wrap EVERYTHING in the house (or one entire room) in wrapping paper after everyone goes to sleep.

When Christmas morning comes and everyone comes stumbling out of their bedrooms, they will find way more gifts to unwrap than they expected. The couch, rug, lamp, fan blades, coffee mug, mom’s medications, toilet paper, slippers, coffee table, grandpa’s dentures, daddy’s “special drink,” (the possibilities are endless). The kids will think that Santa went batty when visiting last night, but they will love unwrapping the house.

2. This one involves Grandma. Chances are, you can talk her into it. This lady deserves to have revenge on your terrible family. Be honest with yourself. Look at your family and tell me she doesn’t think she’s responsible for creating the non-famous version of the Jackson family. She’s got pent up aggression and you know it. She’s (half) the reason you all exist and nobody tells her anything. Think about it – whenever anything happens someone always says, “Don’t tell grandma!” She’s the last to know that cousin Sally is pregnant, Jeremy got arrested, and Uncle Tom’s been smoking cigarettes for 30 years.

Have grandma make nonsensical statements throughout the day.

You could even have her stick to a theme like, “pretend like you’re in labor” so during dinner she can randomly make statements like, “I’m dilated 8 centimeters”…. “my hips will never be the same after this baby”… “this is a bad contraction!” all culminating in a faux delivery with lots of screaming and grunting sounds. Grandma will probably enjoy the extra attention she gets while everyone is trying to figure out if dementia is setting in and you will have had a really enjoyable dinner watching the ordeal. (“…end scene!”)

3. *Warning: the last prank is a really disappointing one so only those who don’t mind being scorned by family all next year dare attempt.

Wrap someone’s (not so expensive or nearly as nice) Christmas present in a iPad box.

This one I had the great and awkward pleasure of experiencing just last Christmas. My mom wrapped my nephew’s “really awesome” pj’s in her empty iPad box, not realizing that a 6 year old would know what an iPad was. At some point in the middle of him jumping up and down screaming, “NANA, YOU BOUGHT ME AN iPAD??!” over and over she uttered the devastating words, “it’s just the box, a different present is inside.” What happened after that no one can recall because really, what’s there to remember after ruining a 6 year old’s Christmas? Sorry son, Santa says you’ve been bad.

Have fun this holiday season and remember – if you end up on the receiving end of a prank, be a good sport. Life goes by fast – you need some funny stories in it, even if they are really inconvenient. These memories will be the ones that are discussed for years to come in the future. No one talks about how perfect everything was each year – there’s nothing to discuss. But everyone remembers and laughs at the time when MeeMaw put too much rum in her famous “rum cake” and blew her oven door off, and that time when a visiting cousin was sleep-walking and used someone’s suitcase full of clothes as his toilet bowl, oooohh or that one year that everyone caught the stomach flu and puked the whole holiday… (all true stories from my family, btw).

Post the results of your pranks this holiday season! Merry Christmas and happy pranking…