In a world full of relationships, confrontation is inevitable.
Certain personalities may love a good rabble-rousing conversation between friends, a spouse, or your children, but what about the rest of us? How can we convince ourselves to approach that dreaded encounter and to do it in a way that is healthy and helpful?
Here are the 3 C’s of healthy confrontation:
1. Clarity.
Before you confront, ask yourself: “what is the problem and should I address it?” The supposedly easy but substantially difficult question, “What am I actually upset with?” If you don’t address the right problem, you won’t get the right solution. (It’s like a husband telling his wife she doesn’t need a new pair of shoes when the real issue to confront is their mounting credit card debt. Steve Madden isn’t the problem, the over-spending is.) After defining the problem, decide if it’s yours to address. It is possible that some of the things that bug us aren’t any of our business.
2. Concise.
Whittle the issue down to one sentence before you confront. Lengthy problem descriptions never get more understandable once you’ve left the starting gate. As much as your husband’s mother and all his ex-girlfriends are all probably related to the issue at hand, don’t break the rules of the English language with a run-on sentence. Distill your thoughts into one succinct statement.
3. Climate.
The first words set the tone for the discussion. If I start the conversation with strong emotions, it’s gonna get ugly quick! The atmosphere of the confrontation is set within the first few seconds of speaking so make sure your tone is calm and unassuming.
The 3 C’s of confrontation will help even the most hesitant communicator find success. As unpleasant as it may be, healthy relationships are worth it. So the next time an issue arises, don’t panic. Practice the 3 C’s of confrontation and at the end of it both parties should appreciate the frank conversation. Cheers to healthy and happy relationships!
Do you have anything you do to prepare yourself before you have a potential confrontation?
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Just in case you have said some of the things that I mentioned in my article today (or if you were on the receiving end of those statements), check out this great article on confrontation!
Great tips everyone! Timing, writing it down first, and “time-outs” are all great additions to help with how to confront in a healthy way. The Lovely Project has some brilliant readers!
Time is key! Even though it starts with “T” ;)
Thanks for this wonderful article Aslinn!! I shall start applying clarity, concise and climate in confrontation.
I love the point about not starting the conversation off wrong. It is so true. So many times, I don’t think things through before I say them. I wait until I’m mad enough to say something, because it makes me bolder.
Love this article! It helps me to write out what I’m going to say first – that way I get it out of my system before saying it out loud. :-)
Great article!
It’s hard to be on the receiving end sometimes but I find it much easier to receive than to give in this case. :)
In order to grow, I’d rather have the polite truth than a sugar-coating.
I take a lot of “time outs”…to take the emotion out of it and really evaluate what’s going on.Sometimes it works!;)
This is so helpful! Thank you!!!
This is something I have always been afraid of. You make it sound so easy and practical – it makes so much sense. Thanks for sharing!